I was Raised by a Sociopath.

I say this uncomfortably while clamoring in the realization of events that just took place. My life is changing dramatically. Numerology has kept me aware and gave me something exciting to concentrate on. It’s a little slice of fun, as is astrology, and I truly enjoy the energy of these spiritualities. However, it’s new. A 180 degrees from the quite depressing life I was living before my family suddenly ripped to shreds; I assumed it was only appropriate to see a therapist. Ya know, to just make sure I’m still in here somewhere. The outcome was more than I had expected…

Disclaimer: I have never, EVER, met this woman before today. She was an older woman with gray, short hair, wearing men’s Dockers with a pair of glasses that reeked of,”I have a PHD”. I second guessed myself at giving her a hand shake. Why? I tend to freeze up in nervous situations. I sat down and made myself comfortable. She told me her name, I shared mine.

“Are you a gypsy?”, she asked.

“What?!?!”, I blurted out.

She immediately began to explain herself. She thought I looked like a gypsy. When I told her I had Portuguese Heritage she began to tell me the history of how the Portuguese migrated and she just knew that my Father’s Paternal Mother was a gypsy. Mind you, this is my first Therapist appt. I was blown away! I had a Medical professional sitting in front of me confirming my intuition.

I briefly answered her “textbook”, questions as she would type on the computer. I’m not sure if she was analyzing or captivated by me. I explained my relationship with my father and the failure of the family I so recently came home too. She asked me if I had watched any part of the Casey Anthony trail. All I could think to myself was that poor child. My eyes filled with tears in her explanation of what kind of woman she was and how she had no remorse.

As a tear rolled down my cheek, she asked,”Do you know what a Sociopath is?”

I immediately said,”I picture something from CSI or Murder she Wrote!” I am squirming inside wanting her to hurry to explain what she is getting at. All I could think is I’m a Sociopath. Sweet, Jesus, help me. In the two seconds it took me to convince myself I was a Sociopath, my anxiety was interrupted by the sound of her voice.

“Your Father… Your EX… Your child’s Father… They all have something in common… You were raised by a Sociopath. Now, you date them. I believe you are determined to rid the world of them”, she said with such a caring voice.

It was as if she knew how fragile I felt when I heard it. She asked me why I chose to make an appointment with her.

” I want to break cycle of unhealthy relationships that I keep I living each day”, I replied so confidently.

“We will!”, she replied eagerly.

She recommended two books: The Glass Castle and The Sociopath Next Door.

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12 Comments

  1. I hope the peices are coming together for you and healing is on the mountain too so you can now scream..hell F###yes ..the cycle is broken.. I know this story well and the healing, withdrawl s that overtake your every cell to change it after you escape it and make a decision it will NO longer grace your path..heart hugs and healing to you..sending love and light!

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    1. You said so many words that hit home for me this week. Breaking the cycle… escape it… healing is on the mountain. I have never had life grabs so a hold of me as if to make vulnerable in my very own being. I’m not sure if I should be scared or prepared… Thank you!

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  2. Oh hunni you are prepared..it is whether you believe you are prepared when you witness preparation..it is already there…you have been prepared your whole life our human resistance, logic and society interfere , it blossoms as you grow, it is in the awakening and rising above that fog created by an abuser(sociopath etc) to keep you from seeing your own preparation among everything else belonging to you..thats what they are created to do…you my beautiful friend already have all you need to rise above that fog, but you cant see in fog ..you have to believe ..when you rise above the fog then, is when you reached the peak…stay at the peak and heal..when you descend again and see fog you will not be afraid..YOU ARE prepared…it’s already there…

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  3. I have read The Sociopath Next Door. It’s a good book, but I didn’t need the last 1/4 (research, mainly). It made me realize that I knew several sociopaths, including my father and my first husband. Stick with the therapy, it could improve your life immensely! I think we all could use it. I did!

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    1. I was in shock when I found it out! It makes you realize just how many coping mechanisms you’ve come up with and also the cycles you live by. It definitely was NOT what I was expecting.

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      1. Me either. But I’m more aware now of myself and not as foolishly trusting. I’m happily married to a wonderful (non-sociopath) man now, so I did stop the cycle. But as a result of this odd beginning, I continually fact-check what people tell me. This character trait has made me a better legal investigator, I might add. So this odd beginning may have shaped my life in a positive way.

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  4. Yes, it’s amazing how we learn that something we thought was just ‘normal’ is toxic, like being raised by someone who’s sociopathic (etc) and then we see that pattern-trail in our relationships (what we tolerate, because it feels normal). Seems like you’re stepping into a new awareness now, like through a gateway into healing. That’s courageous! Wishing you well. 🙂

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