The Commitment of Trust

You were comfort in a time of despair. So close to a new beginning you even tasted bittersweet. You filled my heart with surety and intent. I can’t say whether it is due to the preexisting damage or the way I perceive things, but In the absence of trust it was all gone. People do things that break our trust. Whether that’s lying or not following through. I am starting to believe it is not intentional, but for me, I consider others before myself; so I can’t quite accept my own theory. My word is golden and in the event something happens and I am unable to follow through I address it before it occurs. However, loosing my mother at a young age and having a father who never meant what he said left me not trusting the WORLD. Let alone another human being. I want to be different; so if I love someone I give them trust, but the second a situation arises that questions it, I feel completely disrespected. I’ve always viewed it as intentional. That someone thinks to themselves before breaking your trust and knowingly puts their commitment to you aside. As I get older and keep reliving the situation , I have come to realize I should be learning, not surrendering. It’s usually not of an intent to hurt another, but a cowardly move on one’s part to protect themselves. In knowing this I don’t feel as disrespected, so I am not longer angry by a lack of commitment for trust. I understand so thoroughly that it hurts. It’s simply a separation of people. Someone doing what they wanted to do. So if we find it offensive it is because we don’t agree. We are simply a different person with different needs. It is up to us to find at this very moment that trust is challenged whether it’s worth fighting for. I am hoping to rise above. In my recent run-in with trust I handle it different than I have in the past. I addressed it head on, I let it hurt, and a made a decision of whether it was worth it.

Dear Karma,

I broke the cycle. I found a different perception of trust and handled it before it became destructive. Can I be set free from this cycle? May you bless me with what I deserve. If I am not yet done learning, please take it easy on me. My heart is fragile these days.

Sincerely,

A woman just trying to figure it all out.

Advertisements

15 Comments

    1. Thank you for sharing. That helps me clarify things a bit better. I stay too much in my head to notice what others do to the extent of noticing a pathological situation, but my guess is that I have ran across one before because I spent 28 years believing people intentionally lie to protect themselves. I’m now learning different. Thank you for the wisdom!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I loved your not to Karma…. such beautiful sentiments.

    I agree with what you said. Trust to me is above all else and yes everyone seems to lie. It comes so easy to people, for gain, for self preservation, some people do it just for fun. It gets to where it feels easier to not trust. So I take it to the extreme and I trust it all until I have confirmation inside or outside myself to not trust and then also….. I just don’t take it all that seriously either.

    Like ok…they lied… it’s been noted and I will move on. Cutting people out of my life as much as possible and as much as needed for my own peace of mind.

    It isn’t easy when you come from a space of having to decipher illusion from reality and are never sure of your own thoughts and processes. It makes you question everything. At least that’s what I’ve lived through,
    But I find comfort in knowing that reality is different for everyone and I only have to be true to my own. True to myself. Everyone else has to contend with themselves and their own Karma.

    Stay strong. You’re on the right path it sounds like to me. ❤️❤️💋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing your own experience with me. You maybe onto something with not taking it as seriously as I do. I believe I have a tendency to try to change people, things, and situations for I believe to be the better. It takes time to not compare what someone does to how you would do it in that situation. I am still learning, but your comment made me realize how dramatic my perception can really be. Thank you!

      Like

  2. People are who they are. And that is something you cannot change. But you can change yourself for the better. Regardless of all that has happened to you. whether it was the loss of a loved one or the absence of those who were present. You are not who they treat you to be. You are you. And you know the you, you are. The one that silently screams within, but you don’t listen because you care too much for everyone else. Well, life is short. And that means you need to let the real you out. You will still be a good person and do for others, except, you will put yourself first. And you won’t really change externally but you will internally. In the end, you will feel better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Where is the love button! You just completely stole my soul. You are right! I have felt that way for so many years, but I thought maybe I was being dramatic. How did you know that!?! #goosebumps

      Like

      1. As I love to say in my writing. Experience has told me so. Once I was so broken in life from a lost and people treated me a certain way. Then one day I decided to love myself in the way I loved others. And it was then that I begin to really live my life.

        Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.