Dear Single Mom:

It’s okay to love again. Or is it? There is nothing more terrifying than dating as a single mother. Will they be okay with kids? Will my child like them? When should I introduce them? Will he be a good role model? There are so many questions that come to mind it makes you want to wait until your kiddo(s) are 18 years old! Let’s be honest, how many of us can really do that?

“My entire life can be described in one sentence: it didn’t go as planned, and that is okay.” – Rachel Wolchin

*DISCLAIMER* I am not an expert or is this what I call advice. None the less, I wanted to share my outlook…

It’s okay to love again. It is actually essential that you do! You are teaching your child or children how to heal and let things go. I read something the other day that really hit home for me…”Children don’t listen to what you tell them to do, they listen to what you do”.  You are their role model, and yes, maybe one day someone else will share this position with you also. However, for now, while being a single mom, you, ma’am are THE role model. It’s okay for relationships not to work out. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to start over and over and over.  These instances are inevitable in life. It is what we do with them that paints the picture of who we are. Ladies, you are the picture your child will stare at for the rest of their lives. Make it count!

My advice:

Keep it classy, not trashy…

Be honest. Be Strong. Be fierce.

Don’t worry about the questions. Grab your little one tight and share with them what is going on and how you feel. But, you guard their little hearts like a mama bear. You’ll know when the time is right. And remember people come and go just as there is life and death.  Show them what to do about it, gracefully, of course…

Every fairy-tale has disaster before the happy ending, but one of the characters remains the same. This is you,rock star! You are resilient and you have the power to change the world around you, all by your perception. That, my friends, is the greatest lesson you can teach children. Don’t let the bad vibes keep you down.

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” – Oprah Winfrey

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29 Comments

  1. This helps me with my guilt. It’s been over 15 years, and I still work on forgiving myself for that first rebound from hell. You remind me that my pre-teen daughter saw that it only lasted a year, I survived, and did much better by clarifying my deal breakers.

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  2. I think that dating is okay depending on where you are coming from. I think coming out a bad physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual relationship with children involved is not a good idea to jump back into any relationship until the entire family has received the proper help and healing time. We as mothers desire a special love and a chance to rebuild a “normal” family. I say, as long as you can recognize a relationship, then go for it. But if you are not healthy yourself, then take the time to rebuild yourself before you let someone into your life. And remember, children, are always watching and listening. They pick up more than we think they do.

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  3. I was a single Dad for about two years. After my first disastrous relationship, in which we both tried for nine loooong years, I decided that my daughters were the loves of my life and they were all I needed. Then fate stepped in. I first laid eyes on her at an awards night for an indurstry we were involved in. As soon as I saw her I told my friends that I’m going to marry that girl. We’ve been married for nearly seven years now and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. My girls loved her from day one too. So it’s 100% ok to love again. Just don’t make the same mistakes as the first time round. Cheers 👍🏼

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    1. What a wonderful story! That is so heart warming. Thank you for sharing. It gives all hope. I thought maybe something like that could never happen. Thank you for proving me wrong!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post and great sentiments within it. Ive been a single dad for 2 and a half years now. Divorce and an expensive court battle to get contact with my youngest son amidst a barrage of false allegations and name called have left me pretty fragile when it comes to being brave enough to find love again. Like most single parents you find the greatest love in your kids and I am no different. Perhaps being a dad to two boys leaves me feeling greater pressure to be the perfect male role model. And that allowing them to be introduced to a new woman in my life and the fear of that failing is getting in my way too much to find that little bit of extra happiness. This article really does strike a chord with me. Thanks for writing it.

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    1. I know the court battle all to well. When what used to be friends become enemies. I was fortunate enough that my son was not old enough to see or understand the drama that it created. As a single parent I believe it does bring serious pressure to be the perfect role model, but as one once told me, “it’s about progress not perfection”. I believe you will that special lady one day and she will understand your fears and hesitations. It’s okay to have friends and date when you have your free time and when you feel comfortable enough then introduce them. However, I know that it is easier said than done. Thank you for sharing, it is somewhat comforting to know that is not only single mother’s who go through this thought process. I appreciate you sharing your story, thank you!

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  5. So true … it is completely okay to start over and over again … Life is all about rising and falling and again rising with a little more confidence, more experience, more learning and more energy … it was a good read. ..

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  6. Our lives never go as planned, since we aren’t perfect. Being fallible, we fail to foresee what amounts to the unforeseen. And there is nothing we can do about it simply because we are imperfect and fallible in our finite capacity to possess knowledge. People often say if only I can live my life all over again knowing the mistakes I made, I’d live my life avoiding those mistakes. But the hard truth is, we might avoid those same mistakes we made by anticipating them – but only to make other ones in unanticipated circumstances. We mustn’t let the unanticipated and unforeseen get us down simply because there is nothing we can do about it and its no deliberate fault of ours. But what we can do is courageously formulate and apply how to improve our life and make the best of it by improving our circumstances, This is something we can vitally learn from our past mistakes. The most important thing is that we don’t commit the same mistake twice, because then we have error which is something we can contain and holds us to liability. There’s an old Scottish saying, which we can apply to a life circumstance: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Just don’t be fooled by circumstance a second time, and you’re okay,

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