The Missing Key

I just have these days: gloomy, doubt-filled, in-complacent, dark, and dirty days that just creep up without warning. It is in these moments I can’t find what it is I need to change. What is the actual problem here? Is this just some universal shift or do I need a complete life make over? The stress, disappointment, and lack of interest is unreal, but I can never pin point the problem. I can intellectually spill my guts, but emotionally I am numb. I was doing so well finding happiness in new beginnings, doing things for myself. I had 3 month long sabbatical of excitement and joy! All to end up right back here, walking around like Eyyore from Winnie the Pooh.

Life throws me lemons, and I tend to make Lemon Rita’s out of them. I turn the negative energy into positive energy that goes back out into the world, allย  sassy and ready to make people smile. I do well for quite sometime. I bury myself in daily life responsibilities and relaxing adventures. Most of the time I move on to a different stage of life. I’m then ready to to take on the world, yet again…

There is something different about this time. The negative energy keeps waging war inside. I feel tired, but restless. I think about changing careers or selling my home. I seclude myself and sleep. It’s like I am on auto-pilot floating through life simply waiting for some path choosing moment. I want to feel alive. I want to smile. I want to be able to meditate and wash this negative energy away!

This isn’t it for me. I have always overcome all obstacles. I have turned pain and sorrow into motivation and strength. If only I can find the auto-pilot button and turn it off. Surely, I can’t be stuck in this mode. May the good vibes, come and sweep me away.

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59 Comments

  1. It is horrible when one begins to forget what happens when the darkness nudges its way back in and throws you for a loop. It is hard but you are positive and eventually (maybe not as fast as you like) things will begin to look up again. Sending you good vibes. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for the support. You must be good at reading impatience. ha ha! I’m just at my whits end trying to figure out what it is I need to change. As if there will be some miracle that changes it for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Follow your instinct. If you feel that this is different this timedf then it must be a critical point. I have a lot on my plate. If I sat down and tried to figure it all out it would scare me. Don’t plan the little things – Keep the big picture of the kind of life you want to ahead. focus on that. Don’t doubt. Your brain will figure out how to get there and the right things will cross your path if your eyes are open. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Gasp! Did you just say don’t plan? How’d you know I’m obsessed with planning? ha ha! Good read on me. All the planning and future thinking I do, you would think I could rattle off what I wanted my life to be like in ten years, but right now I am lucky think about next month. Maybe it’s just the itchy feeling of transitioning into living in the present. Way to give me a different perspective. You’re thoughts are much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I send good vibes your way. I had many changes in my life and know they all happen for a reason. You have to open yourself up and listen. Then one day it will just hit you like a ton of bricks and you know.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Be an observer.
    Literally sit on the floor, on your knees with hands wide open and surrender. Surrender to the higher conscious.
    Let go of the quest and turmoil within.

    Two cents from someone going through exact same thing right now and I have empathy for you.

    Like you said, the inside and the knowing knows that this will change and pass but the moment itself is so excruciating that the physical senses just want out!

    Hang in there!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you! I love that you told me surrender. I think I am doing too much fighting and trying to control. You explanation resonates perfectly with me. Thank you so much for sharing! Love and Good vibes your way.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I resonate with what you say and I can tell you that there are more people who feel this right now. I read somewhere that the cosmic energies are playing high and that this is the outcome. It seems that it is collective, that’s for sure.

    What I like to do is to observe and take a break from it all. Thanks for the article. It confirms that I am not alone in this…

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes! The Lunar eclipse that is happening on the 27th, but I have found mediation or reading the effects of them,have helped me control my vibes during them. This one is taking me over, for sure!. Observation, great point. I’m stuck in the mix trying to figure it out which is not helpful. Kudos!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. This is true. I am just flabbergasted at how I got here. Which makes it discouraging for me. I can figure out anything if I understand why it happened, but this one has thrown me for a loop. Thank you for the support.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Itโ€™s amazing how much self love we can induce on ourselves, think weโ€™re finally over the hump, then the bottom falls out. You question why did this happen, where did it come from? Why now? Itโ€™s like a vicious cycle of wash, rinse, repeat. The positive side, Iโ€™ve noticed the downs passing by quicker and quicker. Cheers!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Hey with your kind of clarity, nothing will go wrong. The most fabulous people I know are those who can write like this, without dishonesty and fake. From here, it can only get better. You have a great blog and way with words. Loved that you cared to share. You’re not alone. THere’s millions of us rallying around with, ” This isn’t me…duh!” me… I’m there, near every day. Guess thats why we write. Its a looking glass. It can’t go wrong if one is that honest and /// humble too to boot. You’re blest ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve always written exactly how I think. At times a strength; at others a weakness. It can only go up from here, but I just want to know what causes these shifts for me so I can avoid them. However, how can we know good if we don’t experience the bad. Thank you for compliments and uplifting support. It means wonders to me. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Wow. So I guess that I am NOT in fact, alone. We must be experiencing the same exact thing right now, and yet it can’t possibly be the same or exact right? I wish positive vibes for the both of us. I wish the light, for the both of us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I had no idea so many others were going through this. It even difficult to meditate and I would say I am an intuitive, but it is like I have a static going on inside the last week and a half. I thought maybe depression crept back in, but for no reason. I believe there is something wonderful beyond this for us all. Peace and love, chica!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s sad but almost refreshing knowing we aren’t alone and knowing that we can support each other without judgement. I’m confident today that we will find all the peace and love and light that’s been missing. We got this.

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Iโ€™m going through this exact thing right now. It was so freaky to read your post.
    I feel like my โ€˜lightโ€™ is turned off. I even went to my md to discuss my unexplainable fatigue.
    Ten minutes ago, as I walked into my front door fro work, I thought โ€˜ Nothing inspires me. How can that be? Iโ€™m getting things done…โ€™
    Then โ€˜patienceโ€™. I saw the word in the comments. My lack of it. Yes. It holds the answer.
    Thank you for posting this!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am glad to know I am not alone. Although, I do not wish this upon anyone. I was on a path full of light and adventure and then it came to a unexplainable screeching halt. It makes me wonder it is the effect of the Lunar eclipse and universal vibrations. Thank you for sharing. Peace and love, my friend.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Try this:

    , โ€œIn the heart are disorders that cannot be remedied except by responding to God . In it is a desolate feeling that cannot be removed except by intimacy with Him solitude. In it is sadness which will not leave except by happiness with knowing Him and truthfulness in his dealings. In it is anxiety that is not made tranquil except by gathering for His sake and fleeing to Him from His punishment. In it is a fire of regret which cannot be extinguished except by satisfaction with His commands, prohibitions, and decrees, and embracing patience with that until the time he meets Him. In it is a strong desire that will not cease until He is the only one who is sought. In it is a void that cannot be filled except by His love, turning to Him, always remembering Him, and being sincere to Him. Were a person to be given the entire world and everything in it, that would never fill the void.โ€

    Ibn Qayyim

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! Thank you for sharing. You made me think and my problem could be me trying to control when God (universe) already has it’s plans. Instead of trying to figure it out and change it with my control. I need to remain positive and know there is a plan. Trust in God. Thank you, thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Iโ€™m sorry youโ€™re going through a hard time, but we all do. I live a strict routine to keep my balance and it works almost all the time. Almost. During those times, i struggle to find clarity. But then I deep breathe by slowly inhaling and holding my breath for 4 to 5 seconds and it lets my brain settle. I let go of my routine and do something outside my schedule. It usually works because the cycle gets broken and I am able to realize that things arenโ€™t as bad as they seem. I donโ€™t know if that helps, but itโ€™s my go to.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like your theory. I bet it would help to break the auto-pilot routine. It’s like I thrive on routine, but after so much I just go nuts inside. Thank you for the suggestion. I couldn’t see through the madness to think that one up. Peace & Harmony, my friend.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. I hope the good vibes come and sweep you away. I know how you feel here and I often feel the same way. I often think it’s because I’m trapped in life and not living as I should be in some way. In a way fulfilling to my soul.

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  13. I understand. Life is like this. I think we learn from the down times to go deeper inside and find what really matters. To connect to our higher consciousness. To view these negative emotions like passing clouds that will not stick. If everything was always perfect we probably wouldn’t go deeper to find truth. Hang in there because this to will pass. Blessings! ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amen, friend. Thank you. โค I agree, for me God is the divine. He is in everything. In which I associate everything as the universe. Therefore God is the universe. The love, wisdom, and divine that is in all things, including us. He is the positive energy and good Vibes. Just as those struggle with sin, or evil. I struggle with negative energy, which is bound to happen to any soul that reaches to follow or be filled with the divine.

      Liked by 2 people

  14. This is more of a response to what you disclosed in comments. If I could do my life all over again, I would live more for and in the moment and less for the future. Less planning and focusing on what needed to be done for the future to work out and more enjoyment of today. And know this, if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will get to where you want to be.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you. I am told that living for the future is anxiety and living in the past is depression. Essentially, speaking, that is. The present is life. The present is where progress happens. As, I like to say keep on keepin’ on, right. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for the words of wisdom.

      Liked by 3 people

  15. Hi with my spiritual journey Iโ€™ve found sometimes the darkest nights are before the dawn and success sometimes feels like failure- trying to acknowledge my feelings but not self sabotage has made a big difference for me – praying is a great way to โ€˜doโ€™ something and feel you are on schedule without changing course… ooh feel a blog coming on!

    Liked by 3 people

  16. Sounds like you are waiting for something to make the choice for you.
    We find ourselves their too. Listening to a few podcast and reading a few books has helped us understand that action is the onky thing that will move us from uncertainty. That and patience.

    I recommend Gary Vaynerchuk if you haven’t already been listening to his work.
    And 10X by Grant Cardone.

    Or just keep writing because that is great too.

    Thanks for sharing your Vibe a little.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, you are correct. I have spent sometime just waiting. It is to a point of irritation. My indecision along with anxiety has helped mold me into a societal robot. There is more soulful version of me awakening and this waiting is not the answer. I am a Grant Cardone fan, great thoughts. I appreciate your feedback. It is helpful to hear from an outside perspective. It makes me realize I must conquer my fear of failure if I want to happy.

      Like

  17. Hey Vibe it seems to me you’re at a transitionary stage in your life. Don’t think so much about how you ‘can normally turn negativity into positivity, but not with this one’ because that’s a trap in itself and will only bring you down. Life’s a challenge, remember? Looks like you’ve found a challenge worth your time. Certainly it seems as though you’re riding the cusp of the next big thing; a major change in your life. It’s like knowing Haley’s Comet is coming around again – anticipation and even frustration, but all that’s important is that you’re sat looking up at the sky at the right time, ready to reach out and grab the opportunity when it comes by. You’ll know it when you see it – it’ll burn across your vision and leave a trail of cosmic ice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for suggesting that I do not turn negativity into positivity. The idea of that has given me quite the battle. I am starting to teach myself to register the negative. but remain positive so that I am able to see clearly the lesson that is to be learned. Let’s just say for a control freak, limbo is not a fun place to be. ha ha! What beautiful metaphor! Your thoughts are truly appreciated.

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  18. Good morning. I feel you here! I remember a time when I was asking myself, what’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with my life and why can’t I figure out what’s wrong? I studied Gurdjieff. I wrote in notebooks. I was on a quest of deep self-analysis and self-improvement. What on earth was bothering me that I couldn’t pinpoint? My life was beautiful enough, I was blessed. Then out of nowhere I had one of those mind-blowing lightbulb moments: What was wrong was that nothing was wrong!!! There was nothing for me to be upset or critical about! It was a “stuck” pattern of thinking, deeply grooved mental habits that served to feed my gut with Fire. Have you watched any Eckhart Tolle videos on YouTube or read his book The Power of Now? He gets into the pain-body which makes perfect sense to me! Have a good day; I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing. I have thought a few times that maybe what I am going through emotionally is a habitual pattern and nothing more. So i work very hard in my interactions with others to explain how our past scars can effect us in the future. I have not seen the videos. I am grateful that you shared them with me. I will check them out, asap.

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  19. I completely understand, having been there [too often to admit] . . . but ultimately there is a light at the end of the tunnel (to use a cliche expression). Sometimes we need the darkness to see and appreciate that light. It will get better – sending some “good vibes”. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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